Chaos
by Judaphine
Summary: Not an OMG crossover, no matter how similar it seems in the beginning. RxN pairing. OOC. Up for addoption.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I own nothing and never will. I'm too poor to even by Christmas cards, let alone presents, so suing me won't do any good.

AN: This is only a prologue. So no complaining about shortness or you won't get any more.

0.0

Chaos

In the beginning, there was only the Void. Then, the Void gained sentience and sought to end its lonely existence through creation. Thus, the universe was born of the void through what is known as the 'Big Bang'. The Void then filled this universe with life and created many deities and demons to… well, to keep it running, so to speak. Among these most powerful of Its creations, the entity known as Chaos was Its favourite… Chaos kept things from getting boring.

Aeons pass, pantheons rise and fall in mortal belief, wars are fought between the deities and demons, and godly and demonic power finds itself constrained by mortal free will. Both powers begin to find themselves bogged down with paperwork from all the contracts made with mortals and the life files of all beings both living and deceased, so they create offices. Through it all, Chaos remains neutral, controlling and containing the changes enforced by Time when necessary. Then, one day, aeons ago, Chaos gets a crafty and somewhat wicked idea… and disappears. Chaos' effects are still felt and the universe continues as it should, only less controlled in some places and overly so in others. Still, the disappearance of the entity was noted. It is a mystery that has been left unsolved, and shelved in the astral administration filing cabinets to this day…

O.O

A hospital room somewhere in Japan, Tera, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy, 7th July, 1987 AD

"Push, Saotome-san! Push! You're almost there!" cries the doctor as the woman before him on the bed screams in the agony of childbirth. Meanwhile, her husband paces the floor in the waiting room of the hospital, impatiently awaiting the birth of his first child.

'Please, kami-sama, give me a son,' thought the man. 'I must have a son to carry on the school.' Now, most men would be more worried about the health of their first child and that of their spouse with the gender being second. Not this man. If he _had_ cared, he and his wife would not be here after the many miscarriages and stillbirths that the poor woman had suffered. It had been advised that they simply stop trying and adopt instead. Yet, here they were.

The general consensus in the maternity ward was that the woman married far too young to safely attempt to bear children; fourteen and married to an eighteen year old martial artist. But the match was arranged by her parents, and hers was a traditional family. Thus, here they were, ten years later, the husband pacing and glancing at the clock every so often and the wife in labour in a room down the hall. 'How long will it take _this_ time,' thought the husband. They had only been there for three hours, yet the man was already impatient. Having been through this waiting game before, he knew that it could take many hours. He also knew that the longer the labour, the more likely a stillbirth or other such problems. He was to be pleasantly surprised this time.

Back in the hospital room, a scant four and a half hours after having gone into labour, the woman felt the odd sensation that she knew marked an infant's departure from her body hours before she was accustomed to. Expecting the usual, soul-crushing sadness that she had experienced in the past, she is instead overjoyed to hear the wail of a living, and outraged, newborn (hey, you'd be outraged too if somebody yanked you out of a nice comfy womb and smacked you on the butt).

"Congratulations, Saotome-san," said the doctor over the sound of a screaming baby. "It's a boy." At least, that's what he thought until the usual paediatric examinations were done. They later found out the kid had unusual, yet benign growths in him that turned out to be rudimentary female reproductive organs. They didn't bother mentioning it though as they thought nothing would come of it. After all, the male organs were functioning and the female ones weren't.

'Finally,' thought the woman, exhausted from both the birth itself and her relief. 'Perhaps now Genma will leave me be.' After ten years of enduring the unpleasant act of sharing a bed with her husband, disappointment, the shame of her inability to bear sons, poverty, and the many visits from debt collectors, Nodoka Saotome did not love Genma and barely respected him. Only honour kept her from filing for divorce.

After both mother and child were clean and made more comfortable, the nurse handed Nodoka her new son then left to inform the father. Two minutes later, Genma rushed into the room to see for himself. Lo and behold, he saw Nodoka tenderly nursing their son. Most men would get misty-eyed and a little sentimental at such a sight, but not Genma. He would actually have to love his wife for that. The only thing Genma truly loved about her was her cooking. He merely saw the threat of her possibly coddling the boy and making him soft. Thus, it was no surprise that he took the boy away on a training trip one year later, leaving behind a seppuku contract that had been agreed to by his wife.

Why would she agree to such a thing? Simple; she knew that her husband would take Ranma, her son, regardless. She also knew that the likelihood of him growing up to be like his father was quite high. The contract was insurance that, should Ranma grow to be like his father, she could honourably cleanse her family honour and prevent repeated mistakes in the next generation by removing both from existence. After all, seppuku was still an honourable way to clear your family of debt and dishonour.

Unbeknownst to either Saotome, on the day their son was born, a certain file popped up on the computer screens in both the infernal and divine admin offices as it amended itself. On the last page of said (quite thick) file was a simple set of statistics:

Mortal identity of Chaos entity

Name:Saotome, Ranma

DOB: 07th day of 7th month. Tera year 1987

LOB: Japan, Tera, Sol System


	2. Chapter 1

Stadard disclaimers. I don't own anything. All characters are OOC.

* * *

Chapter 1

Five years into their training trip and after many mistakes and moments of idiocy by Genma, Ranma met, and had to bid a tearful farewell to, his first, dear friend, Kuonji Ukyo. He thought it was nice of Mr Kuonji to give his daddy the yatai as a going-away present. That was the same year that his daddy tried something weird. He dug a pit, filled it with kitties, and threw Ranma in, covered in fish. Naturally, Ranma fed the kitties each time he was thrown in. Eventually, Genma gave up.

Eight years and many more mistakes and idiotic moments later, Ranma's father made him go to an all boy school. It was there he met another friend, Hibiki Ryoga. Ranma thought he was a nice guy once you got passed his piss-poor sense of direction. He was waiting for Ryoga to show up for their latest sparing match three months later when, sadly, his father got impatient, knocked him out, and dragged him off to the nearest port, only waking him to swim to China. Ranma didn't even get to say goodbye to his friend this time.

After a year and a half in China, their journey brought them to a certain training ground hidden within the Bayankara Range in the Mt Quaichin region of Qinghai province. This turned out to be another example of Genma's idiocy. The fool couldn't read Chinese, didn't bother listening to the training ground's guide, and provoked his son to join him on the poles above the springs that would seal their fate. Ranma was naturally surprised when a giant panda emerged from the spring he'd kicked his father into, and thrown off guard enough to get knocked into another.

"AIYAHHHH!!!" yelled the Guide. "He fall in too, too cursed spring! Legend say all spring drain into this one! Never know _what_ customer come out as! If _very_ lucky, he no get curse. Not have many lucky customer, though."

What he and the many guides before him did not know was that the springs did _not_ drain into this one. This spring was instead a master spring. It was controlled by a spirit of justice and, as such, gave its visitors the form they most deserved and/or needed, occasionally righting the wrongs done by other springs. In Ranma's case, the spirit of the spring blink-blinked upon encountering him. 'Hmm,' it thought, 'old ma nature did a half-assed job with this one. Can't say I blame her when humans keep mutilating the ones she makes as soon as they're born. Oh well, might as well fix it.'

Genma and the Guide held their breath as Ranma emerged. At first, it seemed like nothing had changed. The Guide was the first to notice the difference. "AIYAHHH!!!" he yelled. "Sir have mixed curse of Spring of Drowned Man and Spring of Drowned Woman! Sir now is ladyboy!"

"WHAT!?!" cried a shocked Ranma. He didn't feel anything too different. But, just to be sure, he turned and looked at his reflection in the water… then looked closer. Other than his face being slightly softer, he could see nothing wrong… then he looked lower and opened his gi to reveal a smallish set of boobs. He didn't see much of anything else after that as he'd fai-… er, lost consciousness.

0.0

Six months after the Jusenkyo debacle and yet more bouts of idiocy, Genma and Ranma returned to Japan. Everything seemed to be going as normal until they reached Nerima, Tokyo.

"I still say the whole thing sucks!" yelled a soaked and irate Ranma as s/he and his/her father fought in the rain. "Pickin my fiancée without even askin!" S/he then threw his/her father into a stop sign, knocking it down.

As he stood back up, Genma-panda held up a sign that said "It's a matter of honour, boy."

The young hermaphrodite winced at this. "D-damn. Why do ya always gotta bring up honour? Fine, I'll go meet em. But I ain't makin no promises, oyaji. An' could ya change back first?"

I'd only get wet and change again Genma-panda signed. With that settled, the odd pair made their way down the road to the puzzled mutters of passers-by.

0.0

In a modest family home in Nerima, a meeting was taking place between a man and his three daughters.

"Wait a second!" yelled Akane. "Don't we get to choose who we marry?!"

"Calm down, Akane," said Nabiki. "You never know, he might be cute."

"All boys are perverts!"

"Now, now," said their father, "do try not to judge him before meeting him, ne, Akane? They should be here any moment."

"So, father," said Kasumi, "what's Ranma like? Is he older than me?"

"Is he cute?" asked Nabiki.

Their father laughed nervously, then said, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" asked Nabiki with a hint of steel in her voice and a dangerous look on her face.

"I've never met him. They've only recently returned from a training trip that extended into China."

"I don't believe this," said Akane. "I'm going to the dojo now. If Nabiki or Kasumi wants to be stuck with some pervert, they can marry this Ranma, but count me out." With that, she walked off.

After she left, there was a knock on the door. The father immediately ran to answer it, followed closely by his two remaining daughters.

"Ooh, it must be Ranma," said Nabiki.

"Saotome, my old friend!" cried her father. When he opened the door, instead of the bespectacled, balding man he remembered, he saw… a giant panda?

"Outta the way, stupid!" said a voice from behind the animal. "He ain't gonna recognise ya like that, so ya might as well move!" The panda stepped aside so that the people at the door could see who was speaking. "Hi," said the androgynous person before them. "You must be Tendo Soun. I'm Saotome Ranma. Sorry about this."

0.0

"So, let me see if I've got this straight," said Nabiki after things had been explained to those present. "You and your dad went to a cursed training ground in China, and now he turns into a panda while you turn into a hermaphrodite."

"Yep, only… mine's permanent," said Ranma.

"Oh my, what a pity," said Kasumi as she served tea.

"Well," said Soun, "your problem isn't all that bad. All we have to do is take you to a surgeon and have those… erm…"

As he was pointing at Ranma's chest and looking rather uncomfortable, Ranma decided to have pity on him… somewhat. "My boobs?" he said.

"Yes, those… removed, and the vow to unite the schools can be carried out."

"Hate ta tell ya this, Tendo-san, but I'm kinda comfortable this way. I got used to it in six months and I hate hospitals. 'Sides, I couldn't afford ta cut 'em off if I wanted ta."

"Oh the shame!" cried his father. "To think my dishonourable son could so easily accept such an unnatural form! It breaks your poor father's heart!"

"Oh the shame that my idiot father would force his son under the knife to fix his own mistakes!" Ranma cried mockingly. "Let's not ferget whose idea it was ta go ta that training ground in the first place. Oh, and remember who wanted ta go ta China even though they didn't speak a word of Chinese?"

"It was all for the art, boy."

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, this curse ain't that much of a problem. My boobs're small enough fer me ta tie 'em down so nobody'll notice 'em, an' I'm still a guy where it counts."

"Very well then," said Soun, patting Ranma on the shoulder and turning him to face the two of his daughters that were present. "My eldest daughter, Kasumi, is 19 and my middle daughter, Nabiki, is 17. Pick either one and she'll be your fiancée."

"Eldest and middle?" asked Genma. "You've got another child here Tendo-kun?"

"Yes," Soun replied, "but my youngest does not wish to take part in this, Saotome-kun."

"She's gonna hit the roof when she meets Ranma though, daddy," said Nabiki.

"Oh my, you're right, Nabiki," said Kasumi. "It's a good thing you're going to be Ranma's fiancée then."

"Huh? Why me? What about you?"

"I'm already interested in someone, remember?"

"Oh, right. Well, it could be worse."

"Um, shouldn't I have some say in this?" asked Ranma.

"What, you interested in someone else, Saotome?" Nabiki replied.

"Well, no, but…"

"Trust me when I say that things could be a lot worse. You might have ended up with Akane if she was here. She hates boys, and I somehow doubt being half girl would help you. Besides, at least you don't turn into an animal like your father."

"Well, yeah, but…"

"It's settled then," said Soun. "Ranma, Nabiki shall be your fiancée. Treat her well, son."

"Uhh… sure…"

"Please let me show you to your room, Ranma, Saotome-san," said Kasumi as she stood and headed toward the stairs. They followed and were quickly settled.

An hour or so later, as the two fathers were seated at the table catching up on old times while Ranma took a bath and the two Tendo sisters got back to whatever it was they were doing before meeting the Saotomes, a loud scream could be heard from the bathroom, followed by running. The screamer and runner in question turned out to be none other than Akane, who had dashed from the bathroom wearing little more than her gi top and was now grabbing up the dinner table shouting, "I'll drown him in the bathtub!!"

"Oh my," said Kasumi, alerted by all the noise her sister was making, "what's wrong, Akane?"

"There's a pervert in the bathroom!!" said girl replied.

"That's just Ranma," said Nabiki, who had also come to see what all the fuss was about. "Don't worry about it."

"How can you say that, Nabiki?! He's a pervert!!"

"_I'm_ a pervert?!" yelled Ranma from the doorway. He'd taken a few seconds to dress before dashing downstairs. "You're the one who ignored the occupied sign and didn't bother knockin before walkin in the bathroom!"

"You saw me naked, you lech! And it's different when a girl sees a boy!"

"Excuse me," said Nabiki as she walked over to Ranma's side. "Sorry about this, Ranma. She tends to overreact. Akane, this is Saotome Ranma, my fiancé. Ranma, this is my baby sister, Akane."

"FIANCÉ!?!" yelled Akane. "You're actually _engaged_ to this sicko?!"

"Oh, get a grip, Akane. Nobody told you to walk in on him. In fact, I should charge you for peeping on my future husband." Akane stood there sputtering for a few moments, then began to storm off in a huff.

"What I don't get," said Ranma as she was passing, "is how she could stare at me in the bathroom and not even notice my boobs…"

That comment stopped Akane cold. 'His _what_?!' she thought.

"And yet she notices I'm a boy and has the nerve to call _me_ a pervert. At least I didn't _stare_."

"Oh please, Ranma," said Nabiki. "They're not exactly big enough to notice."

"Hey!"

"Come on, you're a guy… sort of. That should _not_ offend you."

Just then, Akane walked back into the room with a shocked look on her face. "Correct me if I'm wrong," she said, "but did I just hear that… that… _boy" _she spat "say he had boobs?"

"Yes, you did, Akane," said Kasumi. "And I'm quite surprised you didn't notice them yourself as you _did_ see him naked." She wore a puzzled look on her face. "Were you only looking below his waist? That's very improper, Akane."

"I WAS TRYING NOT TO LOOK AT ALL!!"

"Didn't seem that way ta me," said Ranma. "It took ya all of, what, two minutes ta leave?"

"I WAS IN SHOCK!!"

"Suuure you were," said Nabiki. "Akane no hentai."

Akane, having her defences shot down and having to absorb the fact that her sister's fiancé had breasts, stormed off yet again, slamming the door to her room.

"You know," Nabiki continued after she had gone, "Now that I look, yours are only a little smaller than hers."

Ranma just looked at her as if she were nuts and thought, 'What has that stupid panda got me into _now_?'


	3. Chapter 2

AN: Here's chapter two. It's very short, sorry. I'm not too happy with it myself, but at least I managed to put something up after so long.

* * *

It was morning at the Tendo dojo and the Saotomes had just had a sparring session, ending with Genma in the koi pond. This was followed by breakfast and the Saotome Food Feud.

After the meal was done, Genma went to the furo for a quick bath. He _had_ taken a dip in the koi pond after all. Twenty minutes later… "No frickin way, pop!"

"We'll be staying here for a while, boy," said Genma. "You have to go to school."

"But it's boooring!" Ranma whined.

"No buts. You're going! No son of mine would shame his family by not having an education."

"But I got one. The monks at all those shrines…"

"Couldn't teach you science, social skills, etc. You're going," Genma glared at his son for good measure when it looked like he was going to continue arguing. He may have lost touch with his son as well as a bit of control, but there were some things on which he'd put his foot down.

He soon had help in the form of Nabiki, who was on her way to school. "I don't mind if he's uneducated," she said slyly.

"Ya see, pop? I don't gotta go," said Ranma.

His bubble was burst shortly after when Nabiki said, "A clueless husband is easier to control, after all."

Two seconds later, Ranma had a satchel in hand, ready to go. "Well, let's go, Nabiki!" he said with manic cheer. "Don't wanna be late for school, do we?" He then grabbed her hand and ran of through the gates of the Tendo compound. He completely missed his fiancée's smirk.

0.0

Ranma was walking along the canal fence with Nabiki walking on the pavement beside him. He had slowed his pace for various reasons, one of which being that he didn't know where he was going, and Nabiki was laying down the laws of the school. "Here's the deal, Ranma," she said. "I sort of have an image to uphold at school. It would be best for your own reputation if you try not to be seen with me."

"Huh?" said Ranma. "Why? You ashamed o' me or somethin?"

"Sigh No, Ranma. I just don't want people to know I'm attached to anyone. I'm supposed to be the Ice Queen of Furinkan, an up and coming businesswoman. I need to maintain that image and I can't do that with an arranged marriage out in the open."

"Oh," Ranma said quietly.

"Also, it would be in your best interest not to be too friendly with Akane in public."

"Huh? Why not?" he asked irritably. You'd think he had the plague or something.

"Her 'boyfriend' might get jealous," she said with a smirk. "She's got a possessive nutcase to deal with, and he might try to get you out of the way by force if he thinks you're competition." Ranma opened his mouth to reply, "And before you ask, he's more a nuisance that a problem. If he becomes a problem, I'll handle him like I handled his lackeys." (AN: Sorry, folks. No Hentai Horde.) "In case you _do_ run into him, his name's Kuno Tatewaki and he spends most of the day wearing a hakama, swings a mean bokken, and spouts bad haiku."

"Gotcha. Avoid the samurai wannabe."

When they entered the schoolyard, all eyes turned to them after being spotted by her waiting customers. "One of my family's houseguests" she said to the assembled, "Saotome Ranma." All the girls had hearts in their eyes trained on the bishonen Saotome, and all the boys were wondering if Ranma was a boy or a girl.

And then they all heard the voice that often killed the best buzz, "Hast this wretch designs on mine fair Tendo Akane?" Yep, it was bokken brain himself… Kuno Tatewaki, who approached the pair while making his demand. "If so, I shall never allow him to reside under the same roof as she." He peered at Ranma as if he was a bug under a microscope. The pretty face threw him off though. "Be thou man or woman?" he asked bluntly.

"I'm a guy," Ranma deadpanned.

Kuno weighed that answer for a bit, then, "Nay! I believe it not, for so soft a voice and fair a face can only belong to a maiden!" Ranma facefaulted as Kuno pulled a bouquet of roses from… somewhere. "Thine attempt to hide thy true self is no match for logic."

'Whose logic?' thought Ranma. 'Sure, my voice is a little higher than it used ta be… and my face is, well, prettier… it doesn't make me a girl!'

"As I have seen through thine meagre disguise, 'tis only meet that thee reward mine cunning with a date!"

Nabiki, who had been snickering since this ridiculous conversation began, burst out laughing at that last bit and dragged a slightly green Ranma away. "Sorry, Kuno-chan," she said. "Ranma has to register and can't play right now. Maybe later. Bye!"

0.0

A short time later, Ranma was settled into his new class. It just happened to be the same as Akane's. Said girl had shown up just before the bell… after Ranma looked out the window to see her kick Kuno into the wall of the building. To say the girl had some anger issues would be an understatement, but Ranma could almost consider it justified. He shuddered at the memory of meeting the nut.

Attendance was taken, he was introduced, and he'd settled in to be bored out of his mind. And so he was. The day seemed to stretch on forever as he sat in that class, the monotony broken only by the unnerving stares and piles of notes from the girls… and a few of the boys. It was odd how one moron can encourage so many others. Lunch was a nightmare of flirtation and bad poetry from Kuno. Ranma gladly returned to the safe haven, and mind-numbing boredom, of the classroom. At the end of the day, he practically ran all the way home, glad of the escape. To bad for him, Nabiki was walking home with a love note from 'darling Kuno.'


	4. I'm So Sorry

To all my faithful readers,

I can honestly say, I have no idea _what _I was thinking when I started writing this. Truthfully, this twisted little plot bunny has no rhyme or reason, origin or destination. Since I don't know what I'm doing with this, where it's going or why I even started, I'm not going to bother with it anymore.

This plot bunny is now up for adoption. Free to a good home. Just remember to keep it as humorous as possible without going over the top and it should be good to you and your readers. Should no one adopt it, it will have to be put down.

Sorry to disappoint those who were waiting on an update, but I'm drawing a blank. For anyone wishing to adopt it, here's all I have of chapter 3:

**To say** **that Kuno was a bit stubborn would be putting it lightly. After all, Ranma only told him that he was a boy and not interested about fifty times. He even hid behind an unresisting Nabiki upon occasion. When he asked why she wasn't helping more, she told him that Kuno wouldn't know the truth if it slapped him in the face and that Ranma's predicament was amusing. Apparently, she'd had very little to laugh about for quite a while.**

That's all, sorry.


End file.
